Literary Balance

The Gonzo Journals

April 18th, 2023

Again, I was having difficulty thinking of something to write about. Since I’ve removed social media from my phone, I rarely get triggered by stupidity! It’s amazing how that worked out. Now it’s robbing me of subject matter for my morning rants. Solution?

Log into Facebook on my PC and take a quick scroll…

Bingo.

First of all, there are some beautiful and incredibly talented women in the field of literature. The ones I personally know in the indie field often post photos of themselves to celebrate who they are and what they do. Unfortunately, those photos are mostly followed up with horn dog men – mostly writers – stating the obvious or the disgusting. It’s so disrespectful that it drives me insane.

Some men in the literary field have no filter or common sense whatsoever. There have been a few I’ve known over the years who’ve transitioned from thoughtless, obvious comments into sending dick pics and spank videos to women who show interest in their literary accomplishments. We’re a disgusting breed and this is why I can’t stand to be around many of them. Most of my friends in life have been women or – recently – gay men. I just can’t stand to see women get disrespected, especially when all they’re trying to do is show the world how happy and accomplished they feel after centuries of repression. That selfie has nothing at all to do with how physically attractive they want you to think they are. Neanderthals.

Yes, a few of you are thinking about how many times I’ve been divorced which leads me to the thoughts of how many stray dicks found their way into my marriage bed over the years. Have I been perfect? Of course not. I’ve slipped a couple of times myself, but I always had the decency to leave. Why linger in a relationship where you’re no longer in love? That’s the sickening part of marriages; hanging around while playing the field from the shadows. If you had the nerve to cheat, then you have the nerve to leave. Don’t torture someone who’s hanging by a thread to keep hope alive from a once great union. Also, I’ve had the decency to be honest. I’ve ruined marriages, friendships, and my liver in the process of chasing tail. I’m not proud of it, but I must live with the consequences of not thinking something through with the brain inside my head. The head up top. Not the one dangling between my legs. Actually, there’s rarely a dangle. It’s more like an acorn. I’m a grower, not a show-er. Still, when that thing decides to grow, be somewhere else.

Anyway, when a female author posts a photo of herself smiling, or with one of her books in hand, rarely are the comments aimed at what she’s attempting to display. What they’re not:

You look happy.

Congratulations! You’ve accomplished the impossible; at least it was before the invention of the internet and everyone with a following became a talentless hack feeding off an algorithm.

I’m so proud of you!

What they are:

Wow! So beautiful!

Damn, you’re hot.

OMG, so sexy.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I can only imagine what their DM’s look like. Probably like a blind person navigating a corn field.

Gentlemen (and I use that terminology loosely), stop being so goddamned unprofessional and horny all the time. Women, especially those in the literary community, know that you have a cock, and they know what it does – or at least what it’s supposed to do. Some of you might need a ladder to paint that one spot on the ceiling but that’s neither here nor there. Believe it or not, it is entirely possible to compliment someone of the opposite sex without sounding like a complete creep. The problem is, no one has ever bothered to call you a creep or, if they did, you weren’t listening. Not every woman logs onto social media in hopes the hot dog factory will explode sending a few hundred scalding hot wieners their way.

Congratulate them on their success. Remind them of how satisfied and happy they appear to be due to their accomplishments. Tell them that they’ve done something only few will do in their lifetime upon this thankless planet. I know it seems like everyone is a fucking author nowadays but that’s because we surround ourselves with likeminded folk. Yes, contrary to initial glances, we are unique among most of the population. People dream of doing what we do, and, after a while, we seem to do it effortlessly. Surely we know that’s not true, but it seems that way to outsiders. They’ll never tell us, but some view us as gods. Go to a conference aimed at readers and prove me wrong.

In the meantime, next time you see an author post a photo on social media, don’t use it as an opportunity to get your carrot wet. Women already know they’re beautiful. All women are works of art and, as many of you often forget, art is subjective to interpretation by the individual. Congratulate them. Encourage them. Thank them.

Stop trying to fuck them with your keyboards. It won’t fit. Don’t ask me how I know this.

Peace.