The Gonzo Journals
April 14th, 2023
First thing out the gate, why don’t they sell truck vaginas? All these rednecks have truck nuts, and I can get them all over Amazon, but I don’t want to look at nuts. Nuts aren’t my thing. A vagina is one of the most beautiful things on this planet. It brings happiness, life, and all the boys to the yard. I would gladly hang one from my trailer hitch and advertise it to the world. They don’t make them. Until then, I’m just going to hang a plush taco from my truck. It’s the closest thing I could find. Here’s to you, truck vagina! No cheese please.
I hinted at this a couple of months ago, but I feel it will have more of an impact if I’m completely honest with my audience. If you confront me about this post in my daily life, I’m going to hit you in your nose. Hard. What’s said in the Gonzo Journals stays in the Gonzo Journals. It’s like Las Vegas, only it doesn’t smell like piss and hooker spit.
I have managed to last an entire week without social media apps on my phone. It’s one of the most liberating things I’ve done in my adult life. Think about how many times you pull your phone from your pocket and check your social media accounts. Trust me, folks. Slavery is alive and well in America, it just took on a new face. It doesn’t care about color or where you came from. We have fallen into the trap, just like they wanted us to, and now our lives are tightly wound around pieces of plastic, glass, and silicon. The powers that be preach to our waiting minds second by second, and rarely do we ever question their instructions.
I check them first thing in the morning when I’m on my PC and, if anyone wants to yell at me about something their primitive minds couldn’t comprehend, I won’t see it until the next day. I’m not purposely avoiding them, giving a false sense of accomplishment or the feeling they somehow chased me away, I just don’t care enough to await their responses. I’m not going to let an inanimate object tell me what to do or how to feel anymore. I share my “Gonzo” posts from this website and then get on with life.
It was difficult at first, but I think I’ve got it licked like yesterday’s ice cream cone. I mean, I’ve managed to stop smoking, stop drinking, and stop poisoning myself with carbonated, sugary drinks successfully in the last few years. Social media was my last obstacle in freeing myself from the goddamn Matrix. I feel like Agent Smith is going to knock down my door and monologue for half an hour as to why I’ve decided to become a visionary in the modern, visionless world. That’s easy. It was natural.
Now, before we get to this part of the post, I know people from my personal life read my daily confessions. Some of them have a tendency to be a little judgmental, and that’s fine. Your opinions on how I live my life are inconsequential to the overall goal. It’s okay to be scared of what I’m doing. It’s outside the box. It’s avant garde. It’s pure fucking magic only few knew existed. It was a leap of faith that paid off in the end.
Backtracking, I was always one of those people who believed weed was “enough”. I’d watched family and friends ruin their lives on the hard stuff and never needed to go there. Speeding up my already out of control life sounded like a horror film so why would I voluntarily do that to myself? I’m more of a “slide into the comfort of my couch and go to sleep” kind of guy.
The idea of Mushrooms and LSD always frightened the hell out of me. I’m a professional writer after all, and some of the shit I create is horrendous. The last thing I wanted to do was ingest things that would bring those thoughts to life. Could you imagine being trapped in a bathroom having a conversation with Starving Zoe? I was scared.
There’s been a lot of research done lately on the positive effects of mushrooms and how they can repair broken pathways in the brain or help you overcome addictions. Real scientists at major universities are studying this so it helped me to realize I’d be fine in the long run. So, I found someone to babysit me, aka my wife who’s been there before, and I ate a peanut butter and magic mushroom sandwich.
In the beginning, it was a lot like being high on marijuana. Everything kind of slowed down and became quite colorful. Walking became a challenge at one point and the video games on my arcade cabinet got a little too intense for my delayed reactions. I sat and watched a mindless movie – Adam Sandler’s Pixels – and enjoyed the trip. Then, I made the mistake of picking up my phone.
Down the rabbit hole I went.
Between Facebook family arguments, Twitter political rants, and Tik Tok nonsense, my phone revealed itself as the portal to true Hell. Not the same Hell the Bible rants about, but REAL Hell. An endless pit of despair from which all modern disasters spawn. It was overwhelming, depressing, and hopeless all at once. After an hour, I pushed my phone away and pondered what I’d discovered. The whip masters of modern slavery are alive and well in our pockets.
I crashed to sleep; spent from the reeling observations I’d experienced along the way. Was it the truth or just a misunderstood section of my trip to eventually be overlooked and forgotten? Well, unlike most silliness to accompany a weed high, I continued to ponder this epiphany in sobriety for a week. There was a reason my brain showed me the answers to the enigma during its most primitive, natural state. It wanted to be freed.
Since then, I’ve managed to take back control of my life and my artistic endeavors. I’ve written two novels worth of material that may or may not ever see the light of day. It has encouraged me to distance myself from the trials and tribulations of unintelligent modern society by closing the gateways leading to their disparaging worlds. I go hours without picking up my phone unless it pings me with a notification for a call or text message. Even then, I’ve assigned a special tone to my wife so I know whether or not to instantly interact. No, the demons of Facebook, Twitter, and Tik Tok have been evicted from their costless apartment within my psyche. This is what the most natural of mothers showed me along my journey. Always do what mother tells you, especially when she is the rock we float around on in this crazy universe.
There’s a great big world full of beautiful things before our eyes if we somehow manage to remove the cell phone filter between us and it. I had to take a huge, frightening risk to discover this, but it paid off in the end. I have no desire to go back. Fuck the biz. Create. Pour everything into something, not something into everything. Be one with the pulsing life force of the planet and feel her pain. Help her avoid imminent destruction but first, help yourself. You can’t show others how magical you are until you discover the magic within.
I may never take mushrooms again. It showed me what I needed to see. The hard part was implementing a plan of action and sticking with it. I’m not trying to sell anyone on the idea, but merely explain how I made it happen. You do you, I’ll do me, and we’ll all be fine in the end. Social media will try to convince you of otherwise. That’s what they were programmed to do. Resist.
Peace. Happy Friday!
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