The Gonzo Journals
April 5th, 2023
I woke up yesterday like any other day. I took the kid to school, grabbed morning coffee, and settled in for my morning writing session. If I recall, I wrote about the release of the Starving Zoe audio book. Have you listened to it yet?
Of course, you haven’t. If you’re reading this, it means you weren’t committed to a mental facility. I listened to it all yesterday in one sitting and laughed my ass off several times. I know that shouldn’t make sense because I’m the guy who wrote it, but it was funny hearing my words come out of someone else’s mouth. If anyone needs proof that I can be a sick, yet hilarious, bastard, grab your copy on Amazon. Four hours of good times listening to the sickest love story ever told. You’ve been warned.
Sometime after that, I settled downstairs for some lunch and a quick jaunt around the internet. Of course, yesterday being April 4th, I watched Donald Trump leave his swanky tower – I got kicked out of there once lol – go to court, and then jump back into his flying turd for Florida. He didn’t look so happy.
He is the first American president to ever be referred to as an “accused criminal” and this is only the beginning. However, I can’t help but think that he is exactly who he is, and he’s never even tried to be anyone else. He’s very honest about his dishonesty and doesn’t try to hide it one bit. Somehow, more than fifty percent of this country thought it was a promising idea to elect him President in 2016. They got exactly who they voted for. Don’t blame me, I wrote in “Charlie Sheen” on my ballot. Winning? Damn right.
The man is a failed real estate guru who had his own reality television show, and that’s exactly who ran the country for four years and has plagued it ever since. He will never go away. He is the red neck messiah, handing out baskets of Bud Light for all the little boys and girls of the south. He’s the St. Nick of Narcissism, pushing presents through the poop pipes of the trailer park to anyone who resides on his naughty list. He soiled with a shart as he waddled out of sight, “Grabbed pussies to all, and to all a good night…better than most. Some would say they’re the ‘best’ nights…”
He caused people who couldn’t fill out a job application properly to storm our nation’s capital! It was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen on television other than the live footage I saw on September 11th, and I grew up on Faces of Death! He’s physically disgusting and mentally incompetent, but proof the American Dream is alive and well in the modern age. Literally ANYONE can be President of the United States. Anyone. You, me, all of us.
Looking back, it’s easy to see he was flying blind for four straight years. His entire presidency was conducted on Twitter while sitting on the shitter at 3am. Twitter Shitter Politics! He’s embarrassing, making us the laughingstock of the entire world to this very day, unless you’re Russia or China. They LOVED that bastard. I still have money on the possibility he’ll run to one of those countries and hide rather than sticking around and being indicted a few more times. I condone it! Leave while the leaving’s good, Donnie. The walls are closing in on you.
No matter what happens, our grandchildren will have some interesting stuff to study in history class in the future. In the meantime, I can’t seem to finish all my projects because I’m too busy watching Trump’s antics! If someone manages to pop him Kennedy style while golfing or if this New York judge decides he’s had enough of Donald’s mouth or “Truth” social posts, I want to watch while it happens. This is the same thing my grandparents did during the OJ Simpson trials. I think it’s how I learned how to cook on my own, because Memaw wasn’t about to leave the living room for something as trivial as dinner!
I have nothing personal against the man, to tell the truth. He’s a loudmouth narcissist attention whore who has amazing taste in women. If the guy were intelligent enough to author a novel, I’d say he reminds me of someone I know…
This is why I never need to be rich. Thanks again to all my book haters for keeping America safe from my wrath!
Peace.
C. Derick Miller's Gonzo Journals 
Leave a Reply