Get A Life.

The Gonzo Journals

March 21st, 2023

Today I’m going to take a stab at modern day parents. If you happen to be a modern-day parent, I’m sorry if this offends you. Not really, but I’m just painting by numbers here. I truly don’t care if you get offended. If you’re offended, then this is a relatable topic to you and you’re the problem. It needed to be brought to your attention. Not that I’ll expect you to change your ways, but I just wanted you to know I’m on to you. We’re on to you. Everyone is on to you. We can see through the facade…

Who am I kidding? No one reads this shit.

Working at a theme park part time, I see the gradual decline of humanity at its finest. To them, they’re running around in a wonderland where no one knows their name. They can be anyone from anywhere for a short period of time with no repercussions to their actions. It’s like a real-life role-playing game. Small town girls can dress like big city hookers and shake their underage, undeveloped asses in the face of boys who wouldn’t know their dick from a toothpick. Why do kids feel the need to act so sexualized in anonymous situations? Is there a trophy up for grabs to see who can get impregnated first and drop the baby off on mom and dad’s doorstep just so they can reboot and do it all over again?

I watch it daily. Herds of young girls made up to look like the Netflix flavor of the week pour from the east Texas trailer parks and into a concrete and steel jungle of swinging little wieners. Poor little boys think they finally had a pubic hair until they peed out of it. Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t new. We all did this too, but the difference is more cryptic. We feared authority, so we limited our fuck-up-ery to a point. No one fears authority anymore. You can grab people by the pussy if you’re the President and half the country will “yee-haw” you all the way to the prison doorstep.

Most parents today, myself included during my time, have allowed technology to raise our children. Tech companies want our children to have children so those children can buy more technology. How do they speed up the process? Over sexualize the hell out of everything, make it look glamorous, and hope beyond hope these impressionable little turds take the bait. Everything tastes good if you coat it with enough sugar, right?

Also, we, as parents, are so goddamned concerned with our outward appearance on social media that we don’t take the necessary time to pay attention to our own children. The iPhone babysitter has things well in hand, right? If we don’t work ourselves to the bone and exhibit “look at me” outward success, then we lose viewers to our own “channel”. Oh no! What if our ratings drop? We can’t have that! Quick! Let’s glamorize another slice of mediocrity so we can be responsible for the next big trend!!!

In the end, this has been slowly building to a crescendo since the dawn of time, it’s just reached a point now to where the lack of supervision is disgustingly noticeable. What happens when Little Judy Whoremonger in line for the rollercoaster gets her half-exposed ass noticed by a fifty-year-old perv instead of the little boy in line next to her who wouldn’t know how to work it if it fell out of the sky, landed on his face, and started moaning? Yes, normal men know when not to look at a young girl’s ass. We don’t even need to ask for ID. There are some men, however, who are sick in the head and lack this type of self-control. This is how Chris Hansen became a household name.

I watched a video this morning of a parent giddily filming their eleven-year-old son going up to a ten-year-old little girl’s door – she’d recently broken up with him – to ask the girl to give him another chance. What in the actual fuck? Go build a tree house, fucker! Go play Fortnite in your fucking bedroom and say dirty words with your friends on your headset. Go put pennies on railroad tracks and torture frogs with firecrackers! Why in the world does an eleven-year-old boy need a girlfriend? Is there anything wrong with two kids being friends without bestowing a fucking designated moniker? Why does everything and everyone need a title nowadays?

I’ll tell you why.

Shit parents who got trapped in mundane lifestyles who were raised by parents who were trapped in mundane lifestyles who were raised by parents scared to death of the invisible man in the clouds who only allowed them to fuck missionary style. At least that’s what he commanded in that fictional instruction manual humanity calls The Bible. Some modern parents are so bored by the lifestyles they were tricked into that they feel the need to live vicariously through their children. They couldn’t have the soap opera romance promised by Hollywood writers, so they’ve decided to create their own soap operas. In today’s episode, little Aiden, Hayden, Rayden, and Gayden get their first stinky pinkies from little Maysee down the street. Is that a name? I feel like Maysee was the most modern name I could produce for a white chick.

In the end, it’s pointless. The damage is done and all we can do is help raise the illegitimate babies spawned from the prematurely cracked cracks of tomorrow’s crackheads. None of it really matters anyway. The asteroid is coming and there’s nothing we can do about it. In the meantime, let’s create all the fodder we can for MTV’s Teen Mom 3 so we can bark loudly at the conveniently created misfortunes of others. It distracts us from the moronic misadventures of wealthy politicians who assure us daily that slavery is alive and well in America. It has nothing to do with skin color this time. Just bank numbers. The masses stay poor if they’re spending their minimum wage on high priced baby formula and diapers.

We can’t help it if sex feels good. Some would blame God for that. It’s a convincing, convenient lie, but believable in certain circles.

In the meantime, fuck like rabbits. It’s what we do.



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