Spring Broken

The Gonzo Journals

March 20th, 2023

Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints! Why in the hell can’t 7/11 keep coffee in the pots during the morning hours? Yes, I know I live in one of those artsy fartsy neighborhoods where most of the trust fund babies refuse to roll out of bed until 2pm, but there’s enough trailers full of lawnmowers in the parking lot to suggest some may actually want “wake up” juice and a donut. Unfortunately, those poodle puff bastards disguised as men are standing there pouring every kind of creamer and sugar into their drink like it’s goddamn Starbucks! That’s not coffee. It’s glorified candy! Fuck Hazelnuts! They don’t belong in coffee!!! Aaaaahhhhhhh!

Somehow, I survived Hell Week.

I was warned about Spring Break when I first went to work part time at Six Flags Over Texas, but I imagined it was being overhyped by a generation who wouldn’t know arduous work if it slithered up their leg and began slobbering. Surprisingly, they were one hundred percent correct. I glance at the mirror to reveal the shambles formerly known as C. Derick Miller.

I took a week off from writing a videogame titled “Still None Of Your Business” so I could assist my brothers on the railroad. Running two trains at once on the same line to keep the flow of people constant, we all had our asses handed to us. Most of the people who came to visit us were pleasant and appreciative of what we do, but there’s always that portion of the crowd who can’t help being pecker heads. I’ve already written about my pet peeves here, but today’s blog dives a little deeper.

Let’s discuss the worst of the worst. These are situations I encountered during Spring Break which fell outside the confines of typical idiocy.

1. A child accidentally bumped into a grown man. The grown man grabbed the child by the throat, cursed him, and threw him against a trash can. It wasn’t even his own fucking kid!
2. A grown woman punched a clown in the face for the simple fact he was dressed as a clown.
3. A tornado struck right outside the park. Unfortunately, you can’t just walk away from an active steam locomotive which was built in 1897 without it exploding and killing pretty much everything within a half mile radius of the blast. Needless to say, it was a little windy.
4. I spent most of my week conducting rather than firing, which meant I was on the back of the train speaking for almost twelve hours per day. I lost my voice twice during the week.
5. Spring? My ass. Most of the week was in the 40’s and 50’s temperature wise and I froze. Granted, there’s enough still there to qualify for continued fat ass-ery, but it was cold. People were still riding water attractions!
6. Security officers, who mostly resemble police academy washouts who couldn’t even hack it in a county jail setting, bully the other employees, travel in a clique herd, and publicly discuss how they personally can’t wait to put their hands on people. Disgusting.
7. My knee gave out as I was detraining, and I fell flat on my back. Fortunately, it was soft and muddy. I stayed on the ground for a few minutes on purpose for the simple fact it felt good to be horizontal for a change.
8. My wife and youngest child were out of town at Universal Studios Hollywood enjoying Super Nintendo World leaving me at home alone for the first time in almost five years. I hate being alone. My brain is a cesspool of fiction, and I don’t do well when I’m by myself. Especially in sobriety.
9. I got all hopped up on CBD gummies and had an anxiety attack while watching the newest Mandalorian episode. I don’t care what the public thinks. I love character driven stories and world building. Best episode ever.
10. I didn’t have time to write anything other than quick posts resembling social media attention whore fodder. My daily outlet bottled up, causing a crowd of voices to gather in my head. Remember what it was like being in a high school cafeteria? Being an author with autism is an interesting existence.

Today is for recovery. Nothing more. Sometimes you must take a moment to refill the pot, both metaphorically and literally. I love my life, I love my career, and I love my trains, but dammit. It is possible to have too much of a good thing. In the words of David Lee Roth, “I’ve been to the edge. And there I stood and looked down.”

I came close to walking away from it all this week. Be kind to others. You never know what type of battle someone is currently fighting in their private life. You may be the kind word which heals their soul, or the crushing force which causes them to buckle.

Peace. I’m tired.