U.F.Oh Dammit! Part 2

I sat around for the majority of the morning trying to find morsels of information to explain exactly what in the world – or other worlds – is going on. As I stated in a previous post, the United States Air Force has shot down three unidentified objects in three days not counting the Chinese claimed spy balloon. Strange days have found us.

From what has been released, these objects have no identifiable propulsion system, scrambled the instruments of the F-22 fighter jets that intercepted them, and are NOT balloons. The one shot down on Sunday was in the shape of an octagon with strings hanging off it. Friday and Saturday’s missile fodder were cylindrical in shape. This is all we know so far.

In the beginning, the authorities said they wouldn’t rule out any extraterrestrial origin theories, which I found to be a little strange. Yes, I know the government has been a lot more open when it comes to the existence of UAP’s aka UFO’s as of late, but never in a million years would I believe someone on the United States government payroll would say something could be ‘alien’ during an official press conference.

When the first object was shot down last week, we knew what it was and where it originated before we even took a shot. To boot, China raised their hand with a quickness claiming ownership and purpose. Now, they’re counter claiming that we have been sending spy balloons to China for years. Really? Why didn’t you speak up about it? Why didn’t you shoot them down? Thanks to the COVID outbreak, we now know that China has a side gig of lying to the rest of the world so why stop now?

Now that we’ve shot down three unidentifiable objects, the rest of the world is coming forward claiming to have seen these things within their borders. Again, why didn’t you say something? Isn’t that the motto? If you see something, say something. Nope, the rest of the world just decided to keep quiet and let the Americans deal with it. And you knew we would! If there’s anyone who would gladly start an interstellar war without thinking twice, it’s the United States of freaking America!

Don’t worry, this scenario will never play out like Independence Day or Close Encounters of the Third Kind with our current government. No, this will be more along the lines of Mars Attacks! Let’s just hope the visitors can faithfully recreate the now infamous congressional scene! I’ll place that video below for ease of understanding. Not everyone is a Tim Burton fan from before the “Wednesday” dance. SMGDH…

An hour or so ago, the White House held a press conference and Jen Psaki’s less sexy counterpart went way out of her way to state these objects were not alien in origin. How do you know? No one has been able to recover any wreckage yet because we shot them down over the worst bits of real estate ever! One was downed over the frozen wastelands of Alaska, the second deep in the Canadian Yukon, and the third smack dab in the middle of Lake Huron! How convenient!

Also, these things seem to be riding the American/Canadian border. Perhaps they’re trying to save money on smokes at the duty-free shop. Also, isn’t weed legal in Canada? Holy crap, this is all starting to make sense! China has buddied up with extraterrestrials and they’re buying up all the Canadian legal weed for the “we almost skirted America undetected” after party! I mean, Chinese food is EPIC when you’re stoned! These guys are definitely displaying the vastness of their higher intelligence.

Do I, personally, genuinely believe this is alien technology? Not at all, but I hope I’m wrong. After the last seven or so years, anything is possible. After the reign of Donald Trump and the pandemic, I could use a good old fashioned alien invasion to shake things up. The problem is I expected the aliens to be a little more competent when it comes to facing down F-22’s and air to air missiles. At least put up a fight, Paul. Will Smith is probably on the ‘no fly’ list and won’t be welcoming you to Earth. Also, Randy Quaid hasn’t been coherent for twenty years!

I won’t believe another thing the government says about these objects from this moment on. They’re being way too cryptic in the age of information for my taste, especially after knowing so much about their original target before even laying eyes on it. Also, we ironically shot down three of these things during Superbowl Weekend when no one would give a damn. The bottom line is how badly I want this.

Can you imagine how society would change if we could prove the existence of extraterrestrial, intelligent life? We would finally know we’re no longer alone in the universe – which I always considered to be the boldest statement imaginable – making our racial differences insignificant in the grand scheme of things! Also, this would blow the lid off most people’s religious beliefs, giving us reasons for peaceful solutions to conflicts rather than a bigger dick contest of the gods whenever there’s a disagreement.

Unfortunately, I feel as though the truth behind all of this will be easily explainable. A smoke and mirrors parlor trick destined to birth mass hysteria in our trailer parks and Wal-Marts. From which catastrophe are they attempting to draw away our attention? How close we are to World War III with Russia, China, and Turkey? Maybe the Ohio train derailment is turning out to be our very own Chernobyl? It’s a little difficult to keep your eyes on the prize when everyone is suddenly looking up at the conveniently crowded skies. That was accidentally poetic!

Still, a sci fi boy can dream, can’t he? I’ve been preparing myself for this moment since walking into the Mos Eisley Cantina in 1977. He doesn’t like you, and I don’t like you either.