Trigger Warning

Everyone’s newest obsession on social media are triggers. Of course, this is the most extreme word this generation could find. It’s something you pull on a gun to make the bullet go pew, eventually penetrating someone’s skull and knocking them dead. Fucking dead. No more life. End of story. Couldn’t they just say it’s “annoying” or possibly “pestering”? Nope. Gotta be polarizing and go all the way to a gun reference because the middle of the road is no longer an option.

Why? Why is the middle of the road no longer an option Mr. C. Derick Miller writer guy sir? That’s an easy answer, my dear follower. It’s because the social media generation has a deep desire for attention. Kind of like that one toothed chick in the truck stop parking lot who’s attempting to validate her own existence. No one wants to buy her because she has a mouth like a jack o lantern, but the head pimp is getting tired of feeding her with little return on his investment. Eventually, the cost of roller grill taquitos and Mountain Dew adds up. I know this may be the most horrible of analogies, but you knew what you were getting when you came to my website. If you want an explanation involving butterflies or rainbows, seek out that writer instead.

So, what triggers the youth of today? Obviously, everything! Have you scrolled through Facebook lately? First of all, don’t. It’s the exact same bullshit you witnessed yesterday, only it’s been festering in the minds of those who took the time to share it. Yes, these poons stayed awake all night, banging away on Chinese spy devices with their thumbs being “triggered” by things they’ve never taken the time to research or fully understand.

Need an example? How about the word “Indian”? Sports teams who’ve owned these names for decades are suddenly throwing them by the wayside for less exciting alternatives. The Washington Commanders? That sounds way too much like the Washington Generals and those were the fuckers who lost to the Harlem Globetrotters night after night during fake basketball games. Contrary to popular belief, I’ve never heard a single Native American complain about white people or any other colored people using the word “Indian”. I should know because I was born into a family full of them! So, who’s raising such a stink about the word “Indian”? Nosey white people. End of story.

I also come from Irish heritage, so I have every right to bash on Caucasians. We’re such a boring, vanilla race that we must spend our spare time trying to regulate slang terms for the other races. Were our own slang terms not enough? Let’s see. There’s cracker, honkey, peckerwood…and I can’t seem to think of anymore. I never found them offensive when people of other races would call me these things. Instead, I would bust out into uncontrollable laughter becasue they sound so stupid!

Want to deep dive into presumably offensive Caucasian slang? Cracker is rumored to come from the white guy who held the whip. Honkey? Again, a rumor, but it was said the white men who had a taste for darker women would pull up outside the black clubs and bars and honk their car horn for “service”. The clubs and bars white people visited were referred to as honkey tonks after that. They talk about those places in country and blues music, yet I’ve never heard of anyone trying to “cancel” these artists. Peckerwood? I laughed my ass off the first time I heard this word, which wasn’t until my late twenties. Yes, I was a white dude for almost thirty years before hearing what is described by modern society as one of the worst slang names you can call a white person. I’ve been told that’s what recruits are called in white supremacist prison gangs like the Arian Brotherhood or Arian Circle.

Again, I didn’t bother to research any of this too deeply, mostly because the explanations provided by the internet are rumor and legend. Zero proof. The internet claims “honkey” was an old English term for a white rat and I call bullshit. Peckerwood dates all the way back to 1835 and was a term from an Alabama newspaper used by whites to describe poorer whites. More classism and less racism. Cracker? Again, a word invented by white people to describe poor white people. So, 2 of the 3 terms were started by whites to describe other whites? Where have I heard of that type of thing before? I’ve said the word “cracker” to white people (friends) and it offended random white people who were standing nearby! You mean to tell me we don’t get the benefit of the “C” word? We can’t call each other a cracker in our modern media without people flinching or getting offended? I want a refund on this whole trigger thing! It’s obviously based around entitlement!

A black man called me “peckerwood” once out of anger, and it angered him even more when I didn’t get pissed off. It’s a stupid sounding word that didn’t even apply to me! I’ve never been to prison, and I’d never associate with white supremacists. Still, he was trying his best to offend me. Honkey and Cracker weren’t far behind, and I laughed at those too. Perhaps this is because the poor white race has never been oppressed in the same way the rich whites have been doing to other races for centuries. Absolutely. It has little to do with race, and everything to do with class. If you’re a poor white racist, you’re just being that way out of ignorance or a need for attention.

Does this mean that it’s impossible to trigger me? That’s untrue. I get triggered by technology. I hate the fact I can’t spend fifteen minutes playing a videogame or watching a movie without my phone going off. When I don’t answer immediately, the modern device slave continues to send messages over and over again until I curse loudly, lose the game on purpose, and see exactly what the fuck is so goddamn important. Thanks to the powers that be cell phones weren’t readily available during the mall arcade era. There were no pause buttons back then and each play cost a quarter. At least Gen X has that going for it. Memories…

And there we go. You can’t fart in the social media generation’s general direction without someone raising a “trigger” flag. It goes way beyond normal annoyance, causing people to scream, run around in circles, and try to stick inanimate objects up their ass. I’ve included an example below.

Feeling triggered yet?

Peace, fuckers. Let’s turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.

Like, subscribe, comment, share, all four, or none. Meh lol.


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