Dick Dock

The Gonzo Journals

January 6th, 2023

I finally did it. I gave into the peer pressure of many of my fellow authors and downloaded the Tik Tok app. What in the French-fried fuck have I done?

First of all, two American Presidents, who reside on opposite ends of the political spectrum, have tried their best to kick this embarrassment of modern society out of their respective app stores. They swear the Chinese government is using this thing as a way to obtain the personal information of its users. Joke’s on them. Most American’s are dumb enough to provide it already, seal it in a Fed Ex overnight envelope, and deliver it to the doorstep of whomever is asking. No app required.

The real crazy part is, from the moment I began using it, I was immediately bombarded with half naked barely legals (and some not so legal) shaking their ass like there was a way to virtually throw one-dollar bills at them. Wait a second, is that why I keep getting private messages in regard to my Cash App? Son of a bitch! On a more serious note, at exactly what point did strippers forget how to dance? From what I can tell, it’s all shitty rap music and twerking. The only reason I’d be compelled to watch would be to see if a turd falls out. I mean, there’s only so much friction a structure can stand during an earthquake test, right?

They don’t even attempt to disguise it! The post will clearly state that I’m supposed to be looking at her new t-shirt but, in reality, it’s mostly a piece of string stuffed between boobs. Trust me, sweetheart, no one is looking at your shirt, and you goddamn well know it. Now, be a big girl and flock over to Only Fans like the rest of the lazy yet professional adults!

Seriously, this is the worst display of lip syncing and showboating the internet has ever seen up to this point! There’s rarely a smidgen of originality in any of the videos. Sure, imitation is the ultimate form of flattery, but I don’t even think the participants are intelligent enough to comprehend what flattery truly is. Heaven forbid we ask the fuckers to spell it!

Many people within the writing community have tried to convince me that this is the newest form of advertising when it comes to selling my wares via the internet. I can’t help but disagree. I doubt very seriously any of these pre-school puppets are even remotely interested in purchasing my books or would even bother to read them if I were to give them away free!

In my own opinion, this is the best example of modern-day art thievery and soft-core porn mixed into a perfect storm and placed on display for all to see, including the Chinese government. On the bright side of shit, it’s really hard to steal someone’s personal information when you’re sitting atop the toilet while holding your thousand-dollar minicomputer in one hand and your less than impressive cock in the other. You might want to install that waterproof case, oh three pump chumps of the app store daycare.

Sometimes it accidentally misfires while cleaning it. Yeah, that’s what you’re doing. Cleaning it…

Peace.