Review: “The Menu”

The Gonzo Journals

December 2nd, 2022

First thing out the gate, there’s something I forgot to tell everyone about that horrendous Disney Plus Willow show. They blatently ripped off a joke from Young Guns II word for word in hopes no one alive would remember. The joke about the Navajo word which makes the horses stop. Remember that one? Yep, totally ripped it off verbatim. This is the kind of shit that’s getting shoved in our faces in the name of quality entertainment. Kill me now. At least by tomorrow. Better yet, next week. I have shit to do this weekend.

Yesterday was a horrible day for future movies. Sequels, sequels, sequels. We were slammed all at once with trailers for the upcoming Indiana Jones, Transformers, and Guardians of the Galaxy franchises. Every single second of it looked like reheated French fries on a prison platter. In case you’re curious, reheated French fries are the worst food in the goddamn world and prison platters get jerked off on by the inmates who work in the kitchen. On a lighter note, there is no lighter note and this kind of Hollywood let down is the new norm. I’m used to it. Fucking Rise of Skywalker…

So, with all that information in the pipe, my wife and I decided to see The Menu last night at our local Alamo Drafthouse and I’m glad we did. It’s the end of the year and I don’t recall seeing much that really stuck with me other than NOPE and Terrifier 2. The Menu may very well be the best film of 2022.

The synopsis is as follows: A young couple travels to a remote island to eat at an exclusive restaurant where the chef has prepared a lavish menu, with some shocking surprises. This is all you need to know going in. Don’t read Wikipedia! It’s full of spoilers. Even the trailer only gives you a bare bones description of what you will experience in this film.

First of all, this film stars Anya Taylor-Joy. That’s enough of a reason to watch this. Ever since her career boost from The Queen’s Gambit, she has been in EVERYTHING from the VVitch to Last Night in Soho. And why wouldn’t she be? She is an amazing actress and quite possibly one of the most beautiful creatures on this planet. I don’t know much about her or where she comes from because I’m not a spank boy celebrity stalker, but I kind of get Bjork vibes from her as far as her facial features go. She has very almond shaped eyes that are incredibly sensual. She may even be an alien and, if that’s the case, please bring on the inevitable invasion. No wonder Captain Kirk fucked green chicks. Aliens are hot!

Next, it stars Ralph Fiennes. Who doesn’t want to watch the guy who killed it as Lord Voldemort as a world-renowned chef on a private island? This guy demands your total attention every time he walks on screen. His personality is large and haunting, giving you unapproving father vibes whenever he delivers his lines. The plot of this movie centers around him but he is far from the villain of the film. I won’t go into that at all since villains are my favorite parts of films and books. You can’t have a good hero without a good villain, and the villain in this film is very much already established. Trust me, we know it all too well.

The other supporting talent in this film is one hundred percent spot on and shine in their own special ways. The director Mark Mylod, who is also known for directing portions of Game of Thrones, has managed to capture a sense of isolation and hopelessness that spreads throughout the one hour and forty-seven-minute runtime. Also, there is no credits stinger so feel free to go piss as soon as they start rolling.

I could go on forever about this film, but it would dive deep into spoiler territory, and I don’t want to ruin this for anyone. Is this horror? Yes, and it’s my kind of horror. It’s strongly character driven, and you will get to know each and every one of these players on a very personal level before the film wraps. You’ll be able to compare them all to people you know in your own life and, by the time you reach the film’s climax, perhaps you’ll want these people to suffer the same fate.

Some final details: This is a slow burn, but it builds up perfectly. There isn’t a lot of gore but there are some horrific images that may make your butthole clinch a couple of times. The horror here is psychological for the most part but easily relatable. Also, this may bore the fuck out of teenagers or younger adults but that’s okay. Just tell them to keep looking at their phones the whole time. That’s all they were going to do to begin with, right? Damn Tweeting poon generation…

Easily five stars…