1. Going through tough times? Wondering why I haven’t reached out to check on you? Maybe I don’t know something is wrong. Maybe I stopped following you from years of pro Trump and anti vax idiocy. Maybe I need to get a grip on my voodoo. Who knows? Life’s a mystery…
2. Even if I know someone won’t get it, I’ll make a Hunter S. Thompson reference, just for the opportunity to explain who HST was and how they’re now a better person for knowing.
3. My wife may be the best parent I’ve ever known. My step son’s life isn’t built around punishment or fear, she’s never laid a hand on him, every misstep he makes is a lesson learned, and he thrives. It’s a very un-Texan-y upbringing.
4. “Amber Heard will remember this as the day she almost caught Jack Sparrow” shut up shut up shut up!!! It wasn’t even funny or clever the first time, social media, you unoriginal piece of shit! Lol Go to Wal Mart and buy another Minions t shirt.
5. My social media mantra: I just share shit that makes people think whether it applies to me or not. Intellectual stimulation in an otherwise ignorant world. Stop taking it so personal.
6. Hey guys, remember that COVID thing? Killed millions of people and now “poof”? It’s still waiting for our asses like Michael behind the tree in Halloween, but the media is trying to convince us the boogey man isn’t real. Just wait. The music’s coming…
7. 18 months and 73 reviews later, Starving Zoe sits on Amazon with a 4.1 average. The only 1 star review was the very first one. Now, what was all that over hyped “author is a racist & misogynist who kills babies” shit all about? You know who you are and you lost. Enjoy the sequel.
8. Headed to the snake shop to see if we can find out why our girl won’t eat. I have a reptile dysfunction…
9. When I post something political, or about women’s rights, or about LGBTQ, there are some people who have nothing nice to say. Never. When that notification hits, I don’t even bother reading it. I just laugh, clear it, and love them anyway. Very Jesus-y of me, you know? Kneel lol
10. A was in salesman mode yesterday when a middle aged lady refused to look me in the eye after my pitch. Finally, she turned and said she was a literally professor. Why does that matter? Because you teach literature, it’s below you to acknowledge authors? Poon. 2022 needs slapping.