An Apology, And An End

This is long, but necessary. An apology and an explanation to my colleagues in the indie horror community: I’ve been battling this in my own head for quite a while but I awoke from a dream with the familiar voice of my publisher and friend Patrick C Harrison III (FB sucks and won’t let me tag him) asking “What the fuck happened to you?” I feel as though the pandemic and politics have driven a rift between several people over the last year or so and I’m no different. I, like many of you, have been battling a deep depression not knowing if we’re going to cough ourselves to death in the near future. Politics? This is insanity regardless of what side you’re on! They’ve damn near succeeded in turning us all against one another. For a while there, I jumped the fence on my own sobriety and commenced to swimming in an ocean of alcohol on a daily basis. It was too much to handle and I lost control. It’s almost been one year since the release of Starving Zoe. Using the patterns I observed from my predecessors, I expected this novella to be a turning point in my life. It was, but in the wrong direction. I was accused of being a racist , a misogynist, and several other negatives because of a fictional character I created. Now, anyone who knows me personally knows that my family has a Native American heritage and that I have grandchildren who are Asian and African American. My family is a total melting pot! As far as misogyny goes, my mother in law is Dr. Dana Cloud. Google is free and in your pocket. She would probably kill me before letting me marry her daughter if she thought I was a any of these things! That nonsense led to a like minded negative review bombing campaign displaying a great example of the toxicity currently running rabid through the writing community. Since then, my novella has been coined as “the most divisive” of the series and she’s finally found her target audience. I take pride in my work and have brushed any additional negative criticism off as someone who wasn’t quite ready for the journey. No harm, no foul. No bounce, no play. All good. Still, those reviews triggered my depression and traditional alcoholism. Mix that with what is destined to be a never ending pandemic and your own country being overran by idiots, and it was a perfect storm. I broke down, publicly lashed out against my accusers, and probably made a ton of enemies in the community along the way. I basically feel alone in a field where I once had a massive, supportive family. “What the fuck happened to me?” Indeed. “I” happened to me. This is my official apology to my beloved community. I’m sorry if my bad decision making and disease harmed or offended you in any way. At this point, all I can really do is get my shit straight and move forward to the next adventure. I hope there are still people in this community who will forgive me to the point that I don’t have to take this journey alone. I hope someone who is new to this community learns something from my mistakes. Don’t react to negative reviews. That’s what they want you to do. They want you to fail. They want you to react. Time.com just wrote one hell of an article about how toxic the review community is on Goodreads. https://time.com/6078993/goodreads-review-bombing/…Believe it! Still, don’t react. Nothing brings people together quite like like-minded negativity and they will not hesitate to crush your self-esteem into the ground with their boot heels. Those who can’t play, coach. Those who can’t write, review. Again, I would like to offer a sincere apology to those I consider to be my friends, my literary family, and my colleagues. I’m not dead, just injured, and I feel as though I get a little better everyday. In the end, it could’ve been much worse. I could’ve sent jack off videos to you!