(Written a very long time ago as a “Sister Christian” spoof for musician Tommy Cross. Never recorded or even played live for all I know. Sorry for the ‘gay’ line. Like I said, written a very long time ago…)
Hipster Christian
Why you look so dumb?
I can’t believe I’m not the only one
To say, you’re gay
Where you going
What you looking for
Buying vinyl
At the record stores, no clue
It’s true
Man, you know
Your beard grew way too fast
Your wife is worrying
You’re far too gone
To save, just shave
Hipster Christian
Wearing Sandal Shoes
Don’t you worry
Because Jesus wore them too
It’s true
(chorus)
Sandal man
Your glasses just don’t fit
Patchouli smells like shit
Get off the 60’s tit
Sandal man
What’s your price for gas
To fill up your Pri-Ass (Prius)
And take your kids to mass
C. Derick Miller 
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