Random Madness 12.17.20

Random Madness! That’s basically what social media is, right? Just a bunch of random madness? One post at a time spread throughout the day? This is everything I wanted to write on social media today. Everything. All at once. Does it sound insane? Why? Because it wasn’t broken up into single posts? The way I see it, there are too many feelings to step on if the public can see the posts as they scroll through their feed. Doing it this way, it’s your own fault if you get triggered by something I’ve written. You had to do a lot of damn clicking to get here. Maximum effort. This is my version of a cyber booby trap. Minus the boobies. Enjoy the show!

  1. I say again, if reading horror triggers you, stop. I know it sounds cool to tell everyone you’re a horror fan, but we are not judging you for being a puss. Promise. Go back to 50 Shades. It misses you.
  2. My wife says no one finds my sense of humor funny anymore because I’m no longer the town drunk. I think it’s because social media doesn’t allow face punching.
  3. I’m watching Elf tonight for the first time. There is nothing funny about this post as I’m sure there’s nothing funny about that movie.
  4. We are going LIVE on the Butterflies Make Me Angry Podcast at 7pm CST tonight. Call in using the Podbean app or listen to the recorded episode on all the other podcast platforms like a poon. https://www.podbean.com/lsw/MYabTW5FLG?lsid=xyyw9f7gupo
  5. If you’re a fan of podcasts, seek a movie called Pump Up The Volume with Christian Slater. It is the grandfather of podcasting and the world obviously doesn’t want anyone to see it. It’s not streaming anywhere and almost impossible to find on a physical medium. If you host a podcast and have never watched this film, shame on you.
  6. Buy this book and place it on the back of your toilet. Your guests will never take a shit at your house again. https://www.amazon.com/Starving-Zoe-Splatter-Western-Book-ebook/dp/B08HWBDC7C/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
  7. Most photographs of classic rock bands show them shirtless, sticky, and strung out from the road. Chicks fucked these guys on purpose. Stank dick and all. Most of our mothers used to have wet dreams about these guys before we were born. Can you imagine what that tour bus smelled like? You’ll never be able to hear Free Bird again without imagining underarm funk. You’re welcome.
  8. As an artist, I’ve avoided conferences, appearances, and a film premiere since the beginning of the pandemic. I’ve missed out on money and experiences I’ll never get back. I miss meeting people. Then, I go to a small town Wal Mart and see a chick walking around with no mask, smiling like a jackass eating watermelon, boasting a denim ballcap with the word ‘Trump’ bedazzled on the front. I don’t wish death upon anyone but people like her have encouraged the death of over 300,000 people. Maybe I can just wish the law of averages? Karma?
  9. I just signed up to take the COVID vaccine. I want to help out mankind and I don’t feel threated because the needle is longer than my dick. Has anyone thought of that yet? Some men won’t take the vaccine due to needle envy?
  10. I ate McDonald’s today for the first time in two years. This must be what waking up next to a prostitute feels like. Internally, I mean. Some people eat this shit three times a day until they die.

C. Derick Miller is an award winning (Splatterpunk Anthology of the Year – And Hell Followed 2020), best-selling (Starving Zoe 2020) Splatterpunk/Indie/Cult/Horror/Dark Fiction author, Gonzo journalist, freelance A&E  journalist, screenwriter, poet, ordained minister, and ASCAP songwriter born in the town of Greenville, Texas. A seasoned paranormal investigator and administrator for the fine art industry, his influences include Hunter S. Thompson, Kevin Smith, Shawn Mullins, and Del James. He is currently signed with Death’s Head Press and is Sr. Writer/Jr. Producer for AtuA Productions. Chad is also an active member of the International Thriller Writers organization, the Horror Writers Association, and co-host of both the “Butterflies Make Me Angry” and “American Justice” podcasts. He resides in the Bishop Arts District of Dallas, Texas and has a price on his head for his short story “Hell Paso” contained in the #1 Amazon Best Selling/Award Winning Death’s Head Press Anthology “And Hell Followed”. He wishes he was making up that last part but…it’s nice to be wanted.




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