Let’s Settle This!

OK. Let’s settle this once and for all.

A few days ago, the co-host from the Literary License Podcast asked…

Dave or Sammy?

To the young people out there, this is the age old question of who was the best Van Halen front man. (Gary doesn’t count. Van Halen III was a beer coaster). I have the answer.

Well…it’s just my opinion. Maybe you’ll agree.

Since then, I have repeatedly listened to the 5150, OU812, For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, and Balance albums. I’ve come to this conclusion.

David Lee Roth sounds the same no matter who is playing behind him. Van Halen with Dave is all about Dave.

One person is not a band. His songs are all about similar subject matter (girls, debauchery, etc). Most of his lyrics are impossible to relate to after you pass ‘high school’ age. His solo career? Same thing. When he returned to the band after two decades? Same thing. The quality of the albums rise and fall chronologically. Van Halen One and 1984 are masterpieces because of Eddie on guitar, Alex on drums, and Michael on bass, not because of Roth’s lyrics or voice. The albums that come in between are far from memorable. Just read the lyrics to Hot For Teacher. (No need to listen. We all remember the rad opening drums. That’s Alex, not Dave.)

Oh wow, man
Wait a second man Whaddaya think the teacher’s gonna look like this year? (my butt, man)

Oh yeah T-T-Teacher stop that screaming, teacher don’t you see?
Don’t want to be no uptown fool
Maybe I should go to hell, but I’m doin’ well,
Teacher needs to see me after school

I think of all the education that I missed
But then my homework was never quite like this

Ow got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I’m hot for teacher
I got it bad, so bad,
I’m hot for teacher

Hey, I heard you missed us, we’re back
I brought my pencil
Gimme something to write on, man
Uh uh, I heard about your lessons, but lessons are so cold
I know about this school
Little girl from Cherry Lane, how did you get so bold?
How did you know that golden rule? I think of all the education that I missed
But then my homework was never quite like this

Ow got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I’m hot for teacher
I got it bad, so bad,
I’m hot for teacher, whoa

Oh man, I think the clock is slow
I don’t feel tardy
Class dismissed

Oh, yeah
I’ve got it bad, got it bad, got it bad
I’m hot for teacher

Whoa
Oh, yes I’m hot
Who
Oh my God

The lyrics and voice take a back seat to the amazing music in this song. That has nothing to do with ‘Who’s the better singer in Van Halen’.

The four Van Hagar albums? More mature. Mixed. Deep lyrics. One member of the band doesn’t stand out above the rest. They are the true definition of a band coming together equally. The albums gradually get better chronologically.

Need proof? Listen to the lyrics of the first track of the OU812 album titled “Mine All Mine” (YouTube is free, kinda. Listen to it)

Ow, forgive me father, for I have sinned
I’ve been through hell and back again
I shook hands with the devil
Looked ’em in the eye
Looked like a long lost friend

Ow, anything you want, any dirty deeds
He’s got everything except what I really need
Keepin’ me temporarily satisfied
But not one thing I’ve tried
Filled me up inside or felt like mine

Yeah, and the search goes on
The more I look
My world keeps gettin’ smaller
Staring at the sun, searchin’ for the light
Almost ended up blind

Some only see what they wanna see
Claiming victory, oh, but that’s not me
Gimme truth, gimme somethin’ real
I just wanna feel like it’s mine, all mine

All the words on the wall
Look the same in the mirror
Every riddle and every clue
Ow, you’ve got Allah in the East
You’ve got Jesus in the West
Christ, what’s a man to do?

They’ll find a cure for anything
Just kill the pain or numb my brain
We see a man speakin’ the word of God
Provin’ to be a fraud, oh, his own church applauds

Stop lookin’ out, start lookin’ in
Be your own best friend
Stand up and say

Hey this is mine

“It was the first time in my life I ever beat myself up, hurt myself, punished myself, practically threw things through windows, trying to write the lyrics.” – Sammy Hagar

When I listen to the David Lee Roth albums, I feel like I’m in junior high being bullied by the long haired guy. He’s failed three times and already has his driver license. He has the only student vehicle in the faculty parking lot.

When I listen to the Sammy albums, it feels like today, only nostalgic for simpler times and better music. It’s timeless for someone like me.

So, who is the better front man? It depends on the type of wall art you have in your living room.

If you have a Van Halen poster you’ve saved from the late 70’s hanging on your wall at this exact moment above your slashed and tattered reclining chair (next to your rabbit eared, black and white tube television set that plays reruns of Bonanza as you sweat profusely through your barbecue stained wife beater t-shirt because the oscillating fan can’t keep up with the summer heat), then you probably agree with Dave. Dave is an overgrown child.

If you’ve grown up at all, regardless of what you have on your wall, you want Sammy.

He’s an artist.

Now, feel free to argue among yourselves in the comment section lol.

I honestly just wanted to piss off the David Lee Roth fans haha…

No reasoning for this blog whatsoever…

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